Fed Ex's "Nothing's More Important Than Your Clubs" Commercials

I know I've complained about these before, but I see them every time I'm watching a golf tourney and they infuriate me each time I see them.

The reason is simple. It's invariably the male who is treating his clubs like they were babies or little children, while the wife stands aside with their actual children, looking resigned.

Why do I find these so offensive? Because they strike close to home. How many dads do absolutely nothing for their children, but will treat their own toys with respect? (And this is not necessarily the guy's fault, admittedly. How many women have babies that the man doesn't want, because she thinks "having a baby will make us closer" when usually it just drives them further apart.

But once you've actually sired a child, the least you could do is take good care of it and have a presence as a dad. And we've got the black community, where 75% of children are born out of wedlock, and they live in poverty all their lives... and the unwed motherhood percentage for white mothers is the fastest rising percentage...so that's another generation of children that's going to live in poverty and whine about how the rich and middle class folks are "keeping them down" because they don't pay them enough welfare so they can live well,...

These are the thoughts that go through my head as I watch these commercials.

First we've got the one where an African-American couple is sleeping in bed. There's a child camera in another room, which is on the bag of golf clubs. Man wakes up, hears something, looks at the camera, and then we see that he's talking about golf clubs and not a child. "They're okay. I'm going to check on them anyway." Rather sad when you consider most African-American biological fathers probably do care more about their golf clubs than their children. (Again, just look at the statistics of children born out of wedlocks.)

Then we've got the white dad strapping something into the back of his SUV, talking to it tenderly like he's talking to a child. Camera pulls back to reveal he's talking to a bag of clubs. "How do you get so dirty," he says sweetly, licking his finger and then wiping off one of the club heads. Meanwhile the wife or girlfriend is holding a little girl, both of them looking a bit resigned as they know they are certainly not the most important things in this guy's life.

The rest of the commercials are more acceptable, in that although one of them is kind of stupid and over the top, they are enough over the top to be funny, and the humor does not come at the expense of human beings - aka children or wives.

So we've got the guy who wants to test Fed Ex by sending his cold fusion invention somewhere before he trusts his clubs to them.

And finally, the one commercial that I actually enjoy, some black executive has invented a shrink ray and is shrinking his clubs. A white exec says, why don't you send them Fed Ex. My favorite line: "You've obviously mistaken me for someone who doesn't have a shrink ray."